you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
