No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
