question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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