I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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