Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
