my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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