He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
