I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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