I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
