When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
