yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize