the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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