we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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