Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
