im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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