This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
