New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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