Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
