Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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