I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
