I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
