she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
