I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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