Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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