She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize