I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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