My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
