Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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