So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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