That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
