ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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