i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
