you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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