and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
