he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
