My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This is the high leading the old right now
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
