A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
