dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
