By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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