"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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