problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
