i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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