Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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