Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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