did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
