I think my fart just growled at me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
