Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
