and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
