did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
