Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize