i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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