As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
