she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
