I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize