Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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