So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
