Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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