you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
