the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
