On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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