good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
