Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
