drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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