After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
