she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
