Me. At least after what I've been through.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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