can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
