it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
