i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
