Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
