I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
