I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
