I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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