Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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