The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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