you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
